Ghost's day

Today is Ghost's Day...

Thinking absently about a line of a new tale I said it unwittingly loud in my mind.


"Whose ghost?", asked Elf.

I growled noiselessly, there we go again!

"Eh... nobody's and anybody's", I had to answer or die.

"But then", the little rascal would not let it alone, "but then, how is it 'a' ghost?

"A ghost, is a ghost, is a ghost!!!" I hammered trying to close the argument, to no avail.

"How do you become a ghost?" asked my elf.

I knew he knew but as always I am mincemeat in his mindhands.

"I am no ghost", I said sternly, trying to deviate his line of thought... Maybe it is easier to stop the moon from circling the Earth.

He giggle as a teenager, sometimes I think he is underage!

"Not you, silly, a person".

"Well..., first «that person» must die", I tried desperately to find a reason to end the discussion, "well, first «that person» must die and then there must be an administrative goof somewhere in the next life, «that person» cannot go to heaven and «that person» cannot go to hell, so «that person» becomes a... Ghost! That's it!"

As always, it was a mistake:

"Next life! What you mean "next life"?! It is preposterous!", cried Elf.

He must have found that word somewhere in my archive and was trying to make his point about my being a nerd.

"Why do you think it is SILLY?" I asked trying to make him go down on syllables. You see, we change sides easily enough.

"Such a PREPOSTEROUS idea!", he retaliated, "when have you been in the next life?".

"Never", I recognized, "but then again I am not dead yet!"

"There ain't a next life", he said. "What happens is that you change tracks".

Tracks?... changing tracks?? dreading his meaning I choose the easy way of correction:

"Is not", I pointed, trying to hurt his grammar ego and start a new discussion.

I should know my elf!

"That's what I said", repeated Elf, "there ain't!"

"You see", he went on, "a person must die to become a ghost, and so it must go to the "next death", not the next life!"

"But", I tried despairingly to keep in touch with reality, "how can you be alive in the next death?, I mean... Ah!!, next death?!!!"

"Nobody is alive in the next death!", Elf retorted.

"But, but a ghost...", I said somewhat incoherently.

"A ghost is a dead person, ain't it so?"

I let that go.

"Yes, dead person", I said, utterly confused forgetting the old wives' tales about animal-ghosts and things-ghosts.

"Well, there you are!" Elf closed triumphantly his argument as if in a trial case he would have said 'The defense rests!'


I swallowed a Valium and a Prozac, drank a glass of water and refused to listen anything else...

Just before I was lost in the dense haze of unconsciousness a thought emerged from my subconscious: Wouldn't all this be a big joke, a huge pun, concocted by Elf?!

Fragment of "The dance of the Blessed Spirits" from "Orpheus and Euridice" by Christoph Gluck, performed by Sergei Rachmaninov.


© 2009 Od Liam.