Wednesday, 13 March 2013

Elf, and the Limerick

I was making a bit of housekeeping in my mind, filing incomplete works with a label for future reference, archiving older sentences and deleting some of them trying to keep a semblance of order in the organizer, though it is a losing game when Elf comes and starts rummaging around looking for who knows what!

I was trying to keep straight the spelling of a long word, one of those words that Elf brings up when he is in the mood of boasting his knowledge of the language but that usually are not good to be put in any paragraph. Those words are only useful as bookends in the archive!

Elf, well, as he sees himself
I was lost in my work when lo!, at my left elbow appears the face of the imp while he bellowed in his shrill voice:

"Ah!, here you are! How does it feel to think you are a superior being!!?"

"What!?" I asked lamely. It seems that this darn gnome has the knack to take me unawares and always my responses to his challenges are foolish and awkward!

"Oh, do not look at me blankly, you know very well what I am referring to"

"No, I don't", I said putting my mind-foot down and gaining strength. "And what's more, I don't care!"

"Ha!, His Lordship, does not care!", answered Elf mimicking my mind-voice. "I want to know what are you going to do if I wreak havoc in this frightful mind of yours". He said it in a very serious and enraged face. So much so that I was frightened he would make true his threat in that very moment!

"Now, now", I tried my most convinced conciliatory voice. "Why are you so angry?, see, I want to listen to your complain!. Please, believe me, I do not know what are you talking about"

"I do not know what are you talking about", mimicked he again, but I could see that the red edge of his pointed ears were going slowly purple showing he was being mollified... at least for the time being.

"OK, if you do not know, said Elf venomously, I will enlighten you!": Where have you found that exists a Fairyland where my cousins live happily forever"?

"Ah", as you see I was very confused, still. 'Ah' is not a good answer to Elf's question! With a great effort I could put my brain to work and said lamely: "There are fairy tales that speak about a Fairyland, isn't it?" Well, I know it was not better but I was regaining control of my neurons slowly.

"As you said, there are fairy tales! Not real tales! No one of my cousin would accept to live in a... Fairyland!" He pronounced the last word with something very close to disgust.

"But that is the least disrespect you show, you call "me", "ME!!", an "Elfie"!!! and you pretend that I wanted to be a 'man'."

"Of everything created on this Universe, 'man' is the last thing any Elf, who respects himself, would want to be!"

"And... and", he seemed to be drown by a deep rage, "you pretend that I went looking for a witch!"... "A witch!" "And a clumsy one, at that!"

He inhaled deeply and lowered his voice: "What do I need a witch for?!" "Ain't I an elf!?" "Don't you know?!, we elves, are sorcerers by right, and good ones! We do not need no inept witches to do our work!! (Remember Elf tends to lose his Grammar when angry).

"And to add insult to injury, I ended as a chimpanzee leading a musical band!!!, with a picture to be sure there is no mistake!".

The edges of his pointed ears started to glow red again, so I hurried to find a way to get his anger down some notches:

"Now, now, you must reckon it is just a poor intent to poetry, ahh... I mean limerick, it is not even important, in a few days nobody will remember the stanza, it was not good and it will dilute in time, you'll see. I didn't mean any disrespect, Elfie was a word that came as a needy two syllables that Elf has not, and all the gibberish about man and witches is just a nonsense. We all know how important you, Elves, are and nobody will think about that twice! Please, accept my apologies! I promise it won't happen again!"

Somehow this speech got Elf down in rage and the glowing in his ears started to disappear, but I knew I fell short anyway because when he went into the memory archive he kicked some of the best adjectives I have classified and stashed there.

I only hope that time will help. I am going to be true to my promise. Cannot be at odds with my Elf!

We are listening to "Best Epic War" a mix of epic war similar as the attitude of Elf .

© 2013 Od Liam.


  1. Dear Elfie - I am not the one about to forget that Limerick anytime soon! So yes in my mind you are still a chimpanzee leading a musical band and your cousins still live in fairyland! So don't you go listening to what dear ole Od Liam says!

    Boy, it feels good to be bad once in a while (evil grin)

    1. "Mz." Gray!

      This is "Elfie"!

      I do hope your "comment" is tinted with that dubious thing that you humans call "humor".

      I take exception to your expressions and we Elves think we may pay you a visit to your mind to "show" you what being "naughty" means. It may be a temporary visit or it may be a permanent one, to teach you in a reliable way how to bear fashionably an evil grin!

      You are warned!

      (No, no, Nina, [this is Od], do not commit the mistake of facing Elf, he is vindictive! you see, he threatened you with a "visit". I know what it means, he "visited" (lives) in my mind from ever! And you have read the way he treats me)

      (He warned you! and he is serious. Please, please, take him seriously! I will speak to him on your behalf, but cannot promise any success!)

  2. LOL...I'm having a good laugh. The argument between you and Elf amuses me though Elf meant business this time.

    OMG! He read what you wrote previously and now he retaliates. An Elf is an Elf. Elfie sounds too feminine. I know Elf nods his head. Btw, what's his gender?

    I can never get enough of your Elf's stories and I love it. Very entertaining and refreshing for me after work.

    Thanks a lot for sharing your creativity, Od. :)

    1. Yes, I can understand your amusement, only I must be careful. He threatened me to wreak havoc in my mind. He really scare the shirt of long sleeves from me!

      You know he likes you, he agree that Elfie is too "soft"!

      I guess he is a male, but I never was sure!

      I am glad you like Elf's stories, even if they make a clown of me! :)

      Thank you, BB!

  3. oh my, you can see elves too? that's awesome, they're really funny:-D
    ...well I actually suppose that you're an elf yourself, am I right?:-)

    1. Hey Billy! Glad to "see" you here again!

      Of course I can see Elves, and other critters. They can be funny but sometimes they are scary.

      I am not an Elf, but I have one living in my mind which is almost the same! :) So we can say you are right! :)

      Thank you for your words!!

  4. It is good for us that you have an Elf with you because I love to read that funny stories of naughty and some times scary Elf.

    1. I am glad you think it is a good thing, Auntie!

      But brought chaos into my life!!! :)))

      Thank you for visiting!

  5. Hahaha! Seeing the power of that that "lode" you talked about- :))

    Great dude!

    1. Yeah! you laugh but I am scared! What would you say if an imp threatened with "wreak havoc" to your mind?!

      This is his mind-hammer, I do not know how or if he can do it, but what if he can?

      Thank you, dude! Happy to "talk" with you! :))

    2. I suggest you to keep a bottle of Soya sauce and Oil with you, just in case- :))